It's Here! Feechie Swamp Stew

With Jonathan Roger's blessing, I present to you, the ultimate in exquisite culinary creation, the . . .

Feechie Swamp Stew
I cook my Feechie Swamp Stew in a crockpot, but you can use a kettle over a fire or a big pot on the stove. I am well aware that swamp water is in scarce supply in city stores, so I suggest you choose either chicken broth or beef broth for your base.
Ingredients:
4-8 cups swamp water—or chicken or beef broth (Beef broth gives a more authentic color to your feechie stew.)
One head of poke sallet—or Chinese cabbage, bok choy, or a large bunch of swiss chard, stems discarded.
One bunch of duckweed—or green onions
One bag of fish eyeballs—or frozen pearl onions
Small button mushrooms from can or from produce department of local grocery store. (NOT SLICED)
Three cloves of garlic, peeled
Arrowroot (descaled)—or stalks of celery
Preparation:
Bring your broth to a boil.
Cut off bottom end of your large leaf vegetable. You can cut through the leaves lengthwise several times, but a feechie wouldn’t.
Cut off roots on green onions and discard wilted outer leaves. Chop onion right above the “head” and throw un-cut green leaves and small onion bulbs into the pot.
Shefeechies would not use frozen onions, but this ingredient is representative of the fish eyeballs that they would be using. Just open the bag and throw them in, trying not to think of the fish.
It is important to throw the mushrooms in with minimal preparation. Wash fresh mushrooms and trim brown spots. If using canned mushrooms, pour the whole lot in, packing water and all.
Smash garlic cloves with a rock and add to pot.
Cut the bottom off your celery and the dried bit at the top. Don’t chop. Throw in pot.
Optional ingredients:
Chunks of meat. If possum and gator are not available, beef, chicken, pork, or turkey may be used.
Peppers, red, yellow, orange, or green. Wash and slice in long slivers. Discard stem and seeds although many shefeechies would toss them in.
Long green beans, snap off ends and add to simmering broth
Lemon juice, tobasco sauce, OR salsa can be added at the table along with salt and pepper.
Pellet pasta or rice- added to remind us civilizers that we would never put maggots in our stew to increase protein.
Recommendations for serving and eating Feechie Swamp Stew.
Big bowls are a must.
Cloths tied as a bib around the neck help protect clothing. Not that a feechie would mind, but this is a horribly messy stew to eat.
Knives are needed to cut ingredients into more manageable bite sizes. Some hosts pass out pairs of sanitized scissors for this purpose. In some instances, eating the long, soggy strips of vegetables in the manner used to twirl spaghetti onto a fork works well.
Feechie stew served outside around a fire pit can be eaten with the fingers after the mess has cooled a bit. Nine year old boys particularly like this method.